My dream special effects failed me last night

Half way through my dream last night the landscape changed. The colors became a technicolor nightmare. It was very weird. Very weird. It was like watching a huge budget film and that was spliced halfway through with a 70’s B-Movie flick! Suddenly the explosions looked fake and the acting was bad. And it went downhill from there. What is going on in this little brain of mine? Is this some hideous side effect of these awful meds I am being forced to imbibe? The dream had a happy ending: I was reunited with my love, blah blah blah. But, god damn it, I want the fog machines to work and the sunset I am prancing off into to look real and not like a background painting……

Maybe it had something to do with going to see “Epic Movie” yesterday with my kid. It rotted my brain. Funny, but brain-rotting……

What the hell is my problem?

I’ve been letting some things get to me way too much. And in my absence from certain things and people I have let molehills become great big mountain ranges and slight creeks become great big rivers too hard to cross. I’ve been stupid. More so than before.

First. My weight. I have been unable to leave the house and have fun lately because I am appalled and ashamed of how out of control I’ve let my weight become. Well, not anymore, fat cells. I’m tired of living in the prison my fat built around my brain. I am hot and sexy and I will lose this extra weight. And until then, I will not let it control me anymore. I’m putting my damn foot down. It’s not as though I am a large girl either. I am still relatively average for my height. But I am larger than I’ve ever been before. And I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. And if I can’t stand to look at me, how am I ever going to get laid again? I’ve been on my “doctor” diet for two full weeks now and I have lost 9 1/2 pounds. That’s good stuff. Especailly since I spent the last three days in the hospital being forced to eat hospital food and being pumped full of meds that make me “retain water” and bloat. Last time I was faced with this set back I really let it get to me. I gave up on trying. The meds make me hungry and feel sick if I don’t eat. But not this time. I will not let this be an excuse. I have a goal. I would like to have lost at least twenty pounds by march (you SCAers know why..) I can do it.

Second. There are people who I have become distant from and I’m putting an end to it! For no other reason that my own insecurities and stupidity I have almost let some very important people slip out of my life.

Amber. One of my oldest and dearest friends. Amber and I grew up in the SCA together. Hell, we grew up together out of the SCA, as well. There was a time I could not even imagine not seeing her or talking to her on a daily basis and now it has been way too long. We have had some very rocky points in our friendship (mostly over stupid boys ~rolling eyes here~) And we have had some of the best times ever as friends. And I miss her. We haven’t had a fight. We haven’t been seperated my continents. I’ve just been dumb. At the invention of Myspace my live got more convienent. You see, I have many friends in many states and here was a neat little place to keep up with all of them. As much as some boys out there might disagree I am not really a phone person. So, I was able to update my myspace and watch for updates on others pages and feel very in touch with my peeps. However, it becomes a problem when people you really care about aren’t on the Myspace. Amber, for instance. So I neglected my e-mail and my phone. FOR WAY TOO LONG. And almost lost one of the closest, most important people in my life. If you read this, beautiful Amber, I’m sorry.

And I’m even more embarassed about this next one. How could I have let this friendship almost slip away. My dear Brotha from Anotha Motha and Sista from Anotha Motha ~ Dale and Teresa. I love these two people as much as if they were my own family. In fact, I do consider them family. Much more than friends. I have depended on them so much and they have always come through for me. And I, in my most stupid of all moves, have let them down. I was feeling rejected, replaced, out of place, stupid. And in a very retarded moment, I was to afraid to talk to them about it. Am I in fifth grade? No, I’m a grown damn woman, and these peeps have done nothing but love me. I am going to make it better. I will not let my family slip away!

Oh there’s more…

I have some thank yous. I am a hard friend to have. You have to be able to put up with some crazy drama to be my friend. And when I get crazy, watch out. I get really crazy. (Quit saying , “Duh”!!) And if I get this tired of being so crazy and being in hospitals (For my breathing, not my craziness…) I can’t imagine what a drain it is on my friends. I have some damn fabulous friends and as I have said so many times before, I don’t know what I did to deserve them but I get down on my knees every morning and thanks all the Gods I can that my friends never realize how unworthy of them I am.

Bri/Robbin:
Thank you. You are my strength, my rock. I need you more than you can know and I am so grateful that you remain in my life. You make me stronger and constantly push me to be a better person. I could fill a thousand blogs with how much you mean to me and what a great person I think you are. You truly are my best friend.

Diana:
You never fail to make me smile and feel better. You have never once failed to come through for me. When you walked in my hospital room (holding that bag of food from Chez Lu Lu) I knew everything was going to be okay. Thank you for everything. As with Bri, I could fill so many blogs singing your praises and trying to put into words how very much you mean to me.

Hospital thank you: Mom, Stardust, Bambi, Charles, Steven, Josh, Charlotte, Aurora & Bella, Rich, CynCity, Aunt Barbara, Little Gay cousin Neal, Teresa, and him (oh, don’t try to guess, it’s not nearly as juicy as you might think!)

And of course and always ~ the light of my life, my reason for living: Tristan.

Okay, enough now! Enough of this gush! I need to get out so I have some more cheeky stories to tell……..

When all the stars have fallen down into the sea and on the ground, and angry voices carry on the wind, a beam of light will fill your head and you’ll remember what’s been said by all the good men this world’s ever known

I think I have bloggers block. Or I might be premenstural. I don’t know. I’ve been rather reclusive this last week. And for no good reason. I’m not upset, I’m not sad, I’m not mad or insecure. I’m just not inspired. I haven’t been on the interent in days. I’ve done fly by checking of my myspace mail, and everynow and then I’ve checked my gmail, but basically I’ve been voiceless as of late. I haven’t been chatting on my cell, either. Weird, huh. But I get that way. Sometimes I just don’t wanna talk. Sometimes I don’t have anything to say. And I have no patience for trying to be interesting and conversational when I have absolutely no opinions. It sounds like a funk, but I swear I’m not upset. I’ve just been complacent. I still am, mostly.

But not on Saturday. No way. And let me warn you I’m about to get political. I’m stepping up on a soapbox. I’m about to get jiggy wit my opinions…….

Today marks the anniversary of the controversial Roe vs Wade. I am Pro-Choice. You might can tell where this is going. I am a single mother and I am proud to be a parent. I believe in a higher power. I believe in the right to speak and be heard. I believe that peaceful protest can make a difference. I was raised by war protesting liberal hippies. And I have been raised to believe everyone has the right to their opinion.

So, I was somewhat supprised at my reaction to a protest on Saturday. My face burned with outrage. My skin crawled with angry goose bumps. I got so worked up, in fact, that I couldn’t breath.

It all started Saturday morning when my ex-husband and I decided to walk to get his car from five points, where he’d left it the night before rather than drive home intoxicated. I have a cold and was in need of expectorant and the drug store was on the way. It was a nice morning and the walk seemed like a good idea. So we set out, my ex-husband, my dog, and me. We had gone a couple of blocks when we noticed a gaggle of police vehicles, lights flashing, blocking off the road ahead of us. Oooo, I thought, maybe it’s a crime scene. Morbid of me, I know, but that’s what I thought. We cautiously eased by the roadblocks on the sidewalk after being reassured by the police that we could go. (well, actually we tried to get their attention by waving and whatnot, but the coppers were too busy chatting to pay us any attention, so since they didn’t tell us to stop or look alarmed at us passing we took it as permission to keep on walking) A few more blocks, a few more police vehicles later and we start to see a large police van followed by a very large, but oddly silent, crowd carrying signs. I could vaguely make out the word “kills” on one of the signs and suddenly realized that it was an Anti-Choice protest. (for those of you confused by my symantics, let me explain. As a Pro-Choice supporter I am offended ~ and I’m not easily offended~ by the term “Pro-Life” It impies that the other side of the argument is anti-life. As in pro death. Which is ridiculous. So I opt not to use that term) Now, as I have stated I support protest. I support speaking up and stating your opinions. We live in America and you have that right. And thank whatever God you believe in for that. But as we approached the demonstrators I became increasingly heated. It wasn’t the demonstration itself that was getting me worked up. It was small, maybe a hundred or so people, and sadly under attended. As they marched silently down the streets of Five Points ~ the most liberal part of Birmingham, no one paid much atttention. Which made me sad, for them. But I found two or three things very very disturbing about their protest.

First, and most practically, I was angered by the amount of police escort these peeps had. The crime rate in Five Points has grown increasingly by extremely alarming numbers in the last five years. Rape, muggings, and murders have become quite the regular news headline for this part of town. Now for those of you who are not familiar with Birmingham, Five Points is where the bars are located. And the nice restuarants. And is within walking distance of UAB (The University that Ate Birmingham) and just blocks from Sanford, another nice collage. It is the place for co-eds to congregate. Several years ago the police force in southside was weeded down and reassigned to other parts of Birmingham to prevent the outrageous crime rates in those areas. As the years passed the criminals figured it out and have relocated to Five Points. Most of the business owners and employees have been working for some time, passing around several petitions, to get a larger police presence in this area. And nothing has happened. Some nights you couldn’t find a cop in Five Points to save your live, and most of the time if you are looking for one it’s for that very reason. But here, on a peaceful and quiet Saturday morning you couldn’t spit and not hit four or five police officers. Closing off SEVERAL blocks of busy streets for these demonstrators. And, by the way, since when does the Ant-Choice side need protecting. They are the ones that BOMB clinics. They are the ones that scream and yell and grab you if you attempt to enter clinics. They are the ones carrying signs of dead baby parts. Were the police there to portect us from them? I mean seriously. This is a city that survived a hideous Clinic bombing, by Eric Rudolph killing a police officer and permantly injuring a nurse (no actual abortion doctors harmed, just innocents). I’ve never heard of a Pro-Choice supporter bombing or killing anyone to get the point across. BTW, the protest had the audascity to walk by the very same clinic that was bombed all those years ago.

My second issue was the four teenage BOYS carrying a child sized coffin wearing red tape over their mouths. Okay, first off, if you are a teenage boy and you are on the Anti Choice side of the argument (which I already have a problem with boys having an opinion on abortion at all, but my mother keeps reminding me that everyone is entitled to their opinion) then here’s a suggestion on how to stop a huge number of abortions…keep your dick to yourself. We do KNOW what causes pregnancy, you know. The tape should be over your zippers and not you mouths. Not having the sex would stop a good number of abortions.

And secondly, a child’s coffin!!! I am so glad my child was not with me. I would have been horrified at my son being subjected to this sight. He is eleven and exactly as mature as he needs to be at eleven. I bet these same people block violent tv from their televisions so their children aren’t affected by the worlds violence, the same people who think the purple Teletubbie is gay and therefore should be removed from childrens television. But toting around a baby coffin and signs with very vivid pictures of dead babies is just peachy in their book. It really pisses me off. There is this Anti-Choice van that sometimes parks outside my sons school and the local library where a lot of his school mate go after school. This van is COVERED with horribly graphic pictures of dead things. If it were a video game it would be rated M for mature. If it were a movie it would be rated NC-17 or R and I would have to show my ID to get in to see it. But here it is sitting outside the elementary school for fice and six years olds to see. It just pisses me off. There is a time and place. Have some decency! Are first and second graders really your target audience?

Another thing that bothered me was these women carrying signs that read “I regret my abortion” Well, I’m very sorry for you. I am. But that’s your shit to deal with, not mine. Talk to your shrink. That’s what they are there for. I have no place in your guilt. Work it out yourself and move on.

My final rant about the protest is this: They had their children with them. Children, I believe, should be outside playing ball or in treehouses, not walking down the street carrying signs proclaiming that I’m going to hell over a subject they have no grasp of. What an awful burden to lay on a childs shoulders. And let me clarify here, I am appalled at children under a certian age at ANY protest. I was horrified to look into a little girls innocent eyes and see hate. Please don’t preach to me about children being important while you raise your child on hate.

Now, let me clarify some things here. My child is the most important thing in my world. I would not trade him for anything. I never ever regret having him. He is my light. I try to raise him to respect others opinions, religions, and cultures. I try to raise him to have repsect for the planet and the universe. I try to raise him to make good decisions. And I’m doing a damn fine job of it. I explain to him both sides of political controversy. Not just my side, but the other side as well. I was horrified when he asked me about abortion, but I explained to him what it was and why there was some much controversy surrounding it. And I hope that my son feels as though he can talk to me about any situation that arises in his young life in these dangerous times that we live.

Let me also clarify some things about me and my opinion. I was a very troubled teenager. I lived a good deal of my adolesent years as a runaway, in and out of juvenile halls. I am not proud of this past, but not ashamed, either. It has shaped me. And during those times I got myself in to several situations. I have been pregnant four times. I have had an abortion, a miscarrage, and two live births ~ on of which I gave up for adoption when I was just fifteen. I have some expirience in the choices and consequences of pregnancy. And I have some pretty strong views. I do not regret one single decision I made. The miscarrage, of course, not being a decision, I really had no choice. And it was awful, a pain ~ mentally and physically~ I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Though I do not regret my decisions I understand the pain of making them and those that do regret. It hurts. All of it. But they are our decisions to make. Not yours to make for me.

And I thank every God I can think of that I live in a country that allows me to make my own decisions. It could be a lot worse

Day 10, I’m too tired to do anything today. But tomorrow I’ll start my diet, and answer some of my fan mail

Have you ever tried dieting in a houe with three boys?

So, after seeing myself in several pictures ~and being horrified~ I started back on my “doctor diet”. It went like this: I dated a boy who woke me up in the middle of the night (usually around 4am) with the tastiest patty melts in the south. And no matter how much sex you have you can not work off three meals a day plus a late night greezy cheesey sandwich when you’re over thirty. Then I broke up with said boy. Okay I was abandoned by the drugged out I should have never been in a relationship to begin with boy. Needless to say it did not end well. So after a brief “I’ll lose wait and be so fucking sexy and show him” period I fell into the classic eating my way through loniless and depression phaze. Then I couldn’t remember why I didn’t just eat donuts if I wanted donuts. And what the hell, why not order pizza and eat the whole thing? And then right as I was starting to realize I might be turning into a whale or more accurately I realized how badly I needed to get laid, I got sick. Those god damn med. they put me on force me to eat. Eat or get sicker. So now here I am. Thirty pounds heavier than I want to be. Fifteen pounds heavier than I’ve ever been before. Depression does not cover what I’ve been feeling. I’ve been in full out sweats and moomoos mode. My clothes are just too good for me in my current state. And let’s face it most of them don’t me right now anyway.

So I turned to my trusty doctor diet. It has worked fabulously for me in the past. I love the packaged food. Mostly it’s chocolate pudding and chocolate bars. You eat five of their prepackaged foods plus 96 ounces of water a day. Which for me is all good. Last time I lost twenty five pounds and I ate real dinners and whatever I wanted on the weekends. So this time I decided since these were drastic times I would take drastic measures and absolutely not cheat. Except on my birthday, of course.

So I’ve been doing good. Damn good. Five packets of specailly formulated prepackaged food, 96 ounces of water, 40 minutes of walking, 70 crunches, and a 15 minutes of yoga every day this week. No cheating. Not even a bite of real food. Not even a nibble. And then when I could cheat ~ I even had permission from the diet doctor himself for my birthday~ I didn’t go overboard. I had one roll of sushi, one order of beef satee, and two cocktails. I didn’t even have desert. Pat myself on the back, right?!

Well today, day 6 of the serious diet, I don’t feel good. My breathing is sucky and I’m tired. It’s Sunday. The day of rest. And I was feeling a bit under the weather. Around dinner I felt like food. Real food. Last night I dreamt of donuts and Godiva. And TLOML coming to his senses and sweeping me off my feet. But that part of the dream wasn’t fattening. I wanted a hamburger. Or a hot dog. Or a pizza. Or food. I wanted food. So I go downstairs where one of the three boys I currently reside with was watching tv. As I threw myself down on the couch I said, “I want food.” and the boy said, “No you don’t. You don’t want to ruin your diet” Fuck you, I thought. So I sat there. Feeling the guilt. Still wanting the food. Then I remembered that I had a Lean Cuisine pizza in the freezer. So I reasoned that it was really pbarely cheating. I had only had three of my five packets today so I ate it. And it was good.

And then my son came wandering by. He takes one look at me and says, “So you cheated on your diet?” Okay, I don’t need the guilt of eating it and the guilt my son was giving me. Three boys three times the guilt.

What is it with them. They have no issues with self control. Well, in the diet area anyway. These three boys can’t imagine why I would cheat on my diet. And they give me no credit for how good I’ve been doing! Well, fuck them. I’ll show them when I weigh in on Wed. and I’ve lost a buttload a weight. I hope so,anyway!

Let me tell you what happens when you drink 96 ounces of water a day. You pee. You pee a lot! It’s just like being pregnant ~ without the hemroids. Well, I’m off to pee. Again…

Why have you forsaken me, in your eyes forsaken me, in your thoughts forsaken me, in your heart forsaken me?

Okay, I promise I haven’t forsaken you, my dear blog. I blog in my head all day long. But by the time I get to the computer, settle down, and bring up the internet either my mind is blank or the great blogs I had goin’ on earlier in the day are now irrelevant. Damn it.

And tonight I’m tired, so no genious insight tonight either.

Maybe tomorrow….

You say it’s your birthday

So I posted some stuff about my upcoming birthday on my myspace blog. But I’m not reposting it here, because myspace has that fabulous little “friends only” option whereas this is open to every Tom, Dick, and Stalker on the internet. So, if you are on my myspace friends list pop over there and read it. If you aren’t already on my myspace friends list , and you’re not a stalker, just ask me and I’ll add you to the list

You’re living in your own private Idaho

Okay I started off the year a bit thoughtful. Melancholy, even. But not in the way you might think. I wasn’t so much reflective on the last year or conjuring up dreams for the upcoming year. I found myself focusing on how retarded I’ve been in a couple of my relationships. And how much time I’ve wasted. In both relationships that could have been good and relationships that were not worthy of me. A friend of mine recently asked me “When does he come? When does the one I’m supposed to be with come? When do I get to stop going through this?” I had no answer for her. I mean, jeez, what a fucking question! I don’t know if I’ve ever actually thought about it in those terms, exactly. Of course I am possibly jaded. And I believe that I have already found the one and fucked it up. How do you know which one is “the one”? And, damn, is there just ONE “the one” for each person? That just sucks. And if you find someone in which you never struggle with would it be worth spending the rest of your life in that peaceful calm? How do you grow without struggle? Not me. I need some downs so that I can have those fabulous ups and appreciate them when they happen. Plus, I’d be bored if I got what I wanted all the time.

But as I’ve previously stated, I’ve wasted some time. Wasted some time playing those silly mind games that you play simply because you are afraid to be rejected or hurt. Why can’t I just tell him that I’d do anything for him. That I would be willing to spend the remainder of my days with him? Seems simple enough. And why waste time remembering that relationship when I know nothing has changed. The same issues remain. Can’t be together. It’s just that sometimes my silly heart just doesn’t listen to reason and reality.

And then there’s the crush I have. Why can’t I just say, “Hey, I like you. Wanna have a go of it?” I’m a grown woman and somehow still I am terrified of being told no. Or worse, being laughed at. Or even worse, being that girl. Any more on this subject might give away the identity of my crush and I’m not ready for that…just yet.

And why, oh why, did I waste even a minute of my time of that pitiful drug addict? Do you ever have moments in your life that you look back on and just cringe? That whole year of my life was completely wasted. When I think of all the things I could have done with that year and all the minutes I’ll never get back because of that wasted peice of shit I am disgusted.

Then there was all that time I wasted, correction, we wasted in a relationship that we knew would never go anywhere.I knew, he knew, but we were comfortable. I guess. I fear I’ll never quite figure that out. When I’m asked about it, I have no answers. Simply put, I just don’t know.

So, I spent my New Years Eve with the one boy who is never, not one moment, wasted time. My son, Tristan. For me, he will always be the one. He saves my life every single day. Every moment I spend with him I learn something. He could barely keep his eyes open for the midnight celebration. As I lay next to him I studied every eyelash, every crease, every inch of his face and I felt complete. I studied the scar on the corner of his eye where he fell at daycare, opened up the side of his eye socket, and I had to rush him to the hospital. His brown hair still has the softness and curl of that baby boy that used to fall asleep in my arms breathing gently on my chest. There is no one I would rather ring in the New Year with. I had to wake him up when midnight finally came. He opened his eyes (barely) sleepily kissed me and said “Happy New Year, momma, I love you” as he rolled over and fell back into that deep sleep of childhood. It was a good, no GREAT, New Years Eve. It’s gonna be a good year.

Now if I could only muster up the nerve to ask……

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space

Since my baby left me, I’ve found a new place to dwell

I stole this from Sheila. And, since I have a MASSIVE hangover I am happy to be given questions to answer rather than trying to be profound or interesting. Last night, with good intention, I imbibed entirely too much sake. Oh it started out incocent enough. My friend was in need and sought my company. A few beers while she ranted and vented. Then sake over sushi to rant so more. Then more sake. Then more sake. I can’t remember much after that. But it was one of those times when you wake up in the morning, peel an eyelid open, and sigh in disguested embarassment. I might be getting too old for this.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
I visited the Georgia Aquarium and The Fernbank Museum with my son

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t make resolutions on New Years. I don’t need the quilt of breaking them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes

5. What countries did you visit?
Stayed in country all year. Much to my disappointment

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
A home
A firmer body
Freedom
Him

7. What date from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory?
No date stands out. Ever day is remarkable in my world.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally breaking that tie

9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing my job. I guess that’s considered a failure.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes. But it’s a constant. I did however get stitches for the first time since childhood this year.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Most of my favorite stuff has been given to me. But right now the best purchase I’ve made was that damn Nerf gun for my kid. His face when he opened it and his endless hours of joy that he’s gotten from it since made it a priceless purchase to me. (BTW Sheila, I’ve very jealous of you having a purple couch! Tell me it’s velvet and I’ll cry! Very cool!)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My son, always.
I’m sure many great people did many great things this past year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
GWB
That girl
JP (but that’s a constant)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Gas
Gas
Sushi
That damned Turtle Chex Mix
Gas
DVD’s and CD’s

15.What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My Atlanta Trip with Tristan
The Trip to my parents house in Florida
Gulf Wars
Blogging
Seeing Dusty’s band (I’m excited and proud every single time I see them)
Something I’ll never admit made me excited cause it’s shallow and wrong
That night
Christmas

16.What song/album will always remind you of 2006?
Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. happier or sadder? Way happier!
b. thinner or fatter? Way way fatter
c. richer or poorer? Poorer financially, but richer every day in every other way

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Travel
Exercise
Dance
Sex
Love

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Cry
Sickness
Drink

20. How will you be spending New Years?
Sitting on the couch with my son. It’s my favorite way to spend New Years!

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Bri, Diana, CynCity, Bambi, Jon, Rich, Steven

22.Did you fall in love in 2006?
No

23.How many one night stands in this last year?
Can I plead the fifth? Come on, we don’t really need to go there do we? Do the ones with ex-boyfriends count…. shit….

24.What was your favorite TV program?
Lost
Heroes
Gilmore girls
Studio 60
CSI

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yes

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
Wow, I read a lot of good books! The Awakening, The Left Bank, The Devil Wears Prada, Echo Park, In a Sunburned Country, damn I could go on for a while!

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Of this year, Gym Class Heroes and Rent

28. What did you want and get?
That one more night. And then another night.
A pink covered litter box for my cat
A kitten (be careful what you wish for..)
To see my parents and sister

29. What did you want and not get?
A trip to France (but i’m not giving up on it yet)
A pink blender
him

30. What were your favorite films of this year?
Clerks II

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was thirty three on my last birthday.
I spent my birthday in Little Rock with my close friends and I got to shoot them with airsoft guns! It was a good birthday! And I went to dinner at my favorite resturant with Candace and CinCity

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A job that pays well and has lots of travel. Freedom. Oh and him.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Same as the year before PINK

34.What kept you sane?
My son, my friends, coffee, and a few Cosmos.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Dominic Monoghan, Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
War always gets my goat. Armed guards on our borders seemed a little excessive. Let’s face it there were several things.

37. Who did you miss?
My mom. My dad. My sister. My brotha from anotha motha, Diana (for part of the year), Friends that can’t be friends anymore, him.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Wow I met lots of great people this year!

39.Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
Wow, no pressure.
33 is too old to drink six bottles of sake. Even if you have help.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
We were born before the wind
Also younger than the sun
Ere the bonnie boat was won as we sailed into the mystic
Hark, now hear the sailors cry
Smell the sea and feel the sky
Let your soul and spirit fly into the mystic
And when that fog horn blows I will be coming home
And when that fog horn blows I want to hear it
I dont have to fear it
I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
Then magnificently we will float into the mystic
And when that fog horn blows you know I will be coming home
And when thst fog horn whistle blows I got to hear it
I dont have to fear it
I want to rock your gypsy soul
Just like way back in the days of old
And together we will float into the mystic

and also
I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind,
There was something so pleasant about that place…
Even your emotions had an echo in so much space.

And when you’re out there,without care,
Yeah, I was out of touch.
But it wasn’t because I didn’t know enough:
I just knew too much

Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Does that make me crazy?
Possibly (or Probably)

And I hope that you are having the time of your life,
But think twice, that’s my only advice.

Come on now who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you Think you are, ha ha ha, bless your soul,
You really think you’re in control!

Well,
I think you’re crazy…
I think you’re crazy…
I think you’re crazy…
Just like me.

My heroes had the heart to lose their lives out on a limb,
And all I remember is thinkin’ I wanna be like them.

Ever since I was little, ever since I was little it looked like fun,
And there’s no coincidence I’ve come,
And I can die when I’m done.

But maybe I’m crazy?
Maybe you’re crazy?
Maybe we’re crazy?
Probably!