I am full of emotion tonight. I should not be allowed to blog in this state. But here I am sitting at my computer trying to find meaning. Trying to work it out in type. So silly. I should be in bed crying it out. Tomorrow will be better. It always is.
And how does my Ipod know exactly what mood I am in. How does it always know exactly what to play on shuffle. It’s damn near scary.
“I wish I could surrender my soul……….Find comfort in pain” ~ Jame Blunt
Yep. I posted a password Protected blog. I needed to say it. But I am too cowardly to say it out loud. It’s sort of a dangerous prospect, I guess. I think that he could figure the password out if he tried. And part of me wishes he would. Then it would be done. But even at thirty four, I am not ready. Sometimes I want so badly for it to be done. And said. And out there. But only if it has a happy ending. Only if it ends with a sunset and his arms around me. Which I can’t rationally believe it would. So, I hide. So don’t ask. I won’t tell you the password. I am sorry. I am not that brave.
I’ve said too much. I’m going to go curl up in the bed with my cats and cry myself to sleep, like all good crazy girls should.
4 responses so far ↓
A Would-be Friend // December 18, 2007 at 8:09 pm
It’s going to be okay. I don’t know who you are, but don’t worry. It’s going to be okay.
Casdok // January 20, 2008 at 1:54 pm
As you say, tomorrow…
Tracey // March 27, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Aw. I’m sad that you’re sad. But I’m glad your iPod shuffles to the right beat for your mood. Don’t apologize for not giving out your password to that post, either. You are very much entitled to express yourself however you wish, in order to get your feelings out. AND you are very much entitled to protect it however you feel safest. Whoever “he” is, I hope he figures out that someone cares this much about him, and then acts on it properly.
christinaclark // June 20, 2008 at 6:41 pm
wow, i was looking up bob dylan lyrics and found this post. how awful it is to feel the way you do, or were feeling during this post. it’s scary because you sound just like a friend of mine, who strangely enough is the reason why i was looking up those lyrics.
i hope you’re okay.
-the sun will set, and if his arms aren’t around you by now, then i’m sure, he’s missing out.