I just don’t understand

I know I’ve been absent and silent. I’ve been busy. First it was busy for fun and good times. Then I was busy being in physical pain. And now I am busy being in emotional pain. I will get back to my self. I will update on all the events that have unfolded around me.

But for now. For now all I am thinking about is the pain I feel and the total uselessness I feel. And my complete inability to help relieve tha pain of those around me.

One of my very dear close friends committed suicide a few nights ago. Her name was Aurora. And she was beautiful and smart and funny. And a fabulous mother. Until now. And I can’t understand why. For starters I have never really been able to comprehend suicide. I have always felt that it a cowardly way to try to solve problems. And beyond selfish. I cannot understand the thought process that leads you to that being the answer. But I have friends that have been there and fought through the urge. And though I don’t understand it, I try to listen. And I would have listend to Aurora, too. Had I any clue that this was anywhere in her mind. Last I saw her, which was just a week or so ago, she seemed very happy.

But, what do I know? Not much, I guess.

Anyway, I loved her. And I miss her already.
Tristan, Aurora, and Bella
Tristan, Aurora, and Bella. 2/07

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3 responses to “I just don’t understand

  1. Suicide is always difficult to understand. Should you need to vent or cry or whatever I am here for you.
    love and hugs

  2. I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. Let me know if you need anything!

  3. God, it sucks. I don’t understand it either. When my best friend hung himself, he left no note, no explanation…even though I knew most of the demons he fought. The only thing I could do that made me feel any better was to donate to the Society for Suicide Prevention. I wish you well and hope that you heal quickly and that her children are shrouded in love and compassion right now. Take care.

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