I am full of emotion tonight. I should not be allowed to blog in this state. But here I am sitting at my computer trying to find meaning. Trying to work it out in type. So silly. I should be in bed crying it out. Tomorrow will be better. It always is.
And how does my Ipod know exactly what mood I am in. How does it always know exactly what to play on shuffle. It’s damn near scary.
“I wish I could surrender my soul……….Find comfort in pain” ~ Jame Blunt
Yep. I posted a password Protected blog. I needed to say it. But I am too cowardly to say it out loud. It’s sort of a dangerous prospect, I guess. I think that he could figure the password out if he tried. And part of me wishes he would. Then it would be done. But even at thirty four, I am not ready. Sometimes I want so badly for it to be done. And said. And out there. But only if it has a happy ending. Only if it ends with a sunset and his arms around me. Which I can’t rationally believe it would. So, I hide. So don’t ask. I won’t tell you the password. I am sorry. I am not that brave.
I’ve said too much. I’m going to go curl up in the bed with my cats and cry myself to sleep, like all good crazy girls should.